Friendship is a word that holds much meaning and emotion, but for many, it remains elusive in the midst of modern life’s pressures. At its core, friendship is a relationship built on mutual respect and affection between individuals. It goes beyond mere acquaintance but is distinct from family ties, as friends are chosen, while family is something we’re born into. The beauty of friendship lies in the authentic connection that can emerge, often in the most unexpected places. Finding a true friend is one of life’s greatest gifts, regardless of the distance you walk together.
In today’s world, where virtual connections are easy to come by through social media posts, comments, and likes, one may wonder: what is meaningful friendship? Is there a difference between online interactions and real, genuine friendships? The problem with social media interactions is that they often lack the deeper, soul-nourishing elements that come from being truly present with someone. If you’ve ever felt lonely in a crowd or even in a close relationship, it’s likely because your soul wasn’t being nourished by real, undistracted presence. It’s like seeing water everywhere, but not being able to drink it. Popularity may feel good, but it’s the quality of connections that truly matters, not the quantity.
Looking back on my own journey with friendship, I realize it’s been one of self-discovery. As a child, I moved around a lot—living in four cities and twenty homes by the time I turned seventeen. I changed schools and friends ten times during those years. Though I excelled academically, I struggled socially and often felt like I didn’t fit in. To hide the anxiety and shame I felt, I began to copy others who were popular, thinking it would give me confidence. I quickly learned to adapt to the group and fit in. But in doing so, I lost touch with my true self. I became like a chameleon, constantly changing to meet others’ expectations. While I had many friends, I still felt empty and confused. It took me years to realize that no one forced me to act this way - I did it to myself.
So, how do we make friends with ourselves? One of the most valuable gifts of a true friendship is the space to simply be yourself. Being your own friend involves spending time alone, listening to yourself, and accepting your thoughts and feelings without judgment. If you’ve never done this before, it may feel difficult at first. Start small by checking in with yourself daily—recognizing your feelings, needs, and desires without trying to change them. Over time, this practice will become easier and more natural, just like any friendship. Like all lasting friendships, it requires time and space to grow.
As I’ve learned to be more authentic with myself, I’ve noticed that I can show up as my true self without feeling the need to perform for others’ validation. I’m more present now, listening without thinking about what I’m going to say next. This shift has made me a better friend, as I focus less on finding the perfect friend and more on becoming one. This ongoing transformation is both exciting and intimidating, but it’s also incredibly rewarding. As RuPaul famously said, “If you can’t love yourself, how in the hell are you gonna love somebody else?” Loving yourself means embracing all parts of yourself, even those parts you’d rather not face.
Most friendships are based on agreement—we want someone who will be there in tough times, someone who appreciates our strengths, and someone to share good times with. However, there’s a rarer and more powerful level of friendship, one that challenges and ignites you. These friendships push you to become the best version of yourself, holding you to your highest potential. To engage in such a relationship takes courage, as it requires us to face our deepest fears and embrace our vulnerabilities. True friendship at this level demands that we love ourselves enough to confront our inner demons.
To conclude, I’d like to share one of my favorite poems by Marianne Williamson, which perfectly encapsulates the power of self-love and friendship:
Our deepest fear
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, “Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?” Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.
This poem speaks to the power of embracing our light and authenticity, which, when shared, has the potential to uplift those around us. It’s a reminder that friendship, at its deepest level, is about encouraging each other to shine, unafraid and unapologetically.
Source: friendshipessay.com
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